Body Image
Did you know that 91% of women have reported feeling dissatisfied, ashamed of, and even disgusted by their bodies over the last year? It’s no secret that society has held women to unrealistic beauty standards for decades, but with the recent ascent of the body positivity movement, that number struck me. There are so many podcasts, blogs, social media pages, and even movies and TV shows that are dedicated to body positivity, but unfortunately, they are still sandwiched between ads for diet pills, weight loss programs, and facial treatments to make you look younger. Sure, many people can use these tools in a way that’s healthy, but ultimately, it’s the message these companies are sending that poses a problem. Always being told that we should be thinner, fitter, and look younger can make it hard to look in the mirror at the reality of ourselves. The constant reminders that we should be “doing more” makes us feel as though we’re never doing enough, which can lead us to hate our bodies, our skin, our age, our abilities, and well… just ourselves.
Even with the thousands of studies on how the media, mental health, and cultural norms affect a woman’s perception of her own body, there are still surprisingly few about how a miscarriage can dramatically shift your relationship with your body. As a woman, you are likely familiar with the socially approved “ideal body image” we are expected to maintain; small waist, perfect curves, daintiness to the point of fragility. However, for those of us who have experienced a miscarriage, the “ideal body type” can look very different, and the associating body dysmorphia can stem from a very unique place.
After a miscarriage, it often takes the body several weeks, or even months, to adjust to its new reality. It may carry extra weight, or even start producing breast milk, which can both serve as painful reminders of the trauma and grief we’ve been through. Some of us wish that our bodies could just go back to the way they were before, in hopes of regaining some sense of normalcy. This sentiment opens the door to a whole new level of body image struggles; the feeling that your body has betrayed you. As women, we are reminded our whole lives that we have the power to create life, that we are the “divine feminine”. As children, we are handed baby dolls to love and nurture, which introduces us to the concept of motherhood. As adolescents, we are taught that our bodies and hormones are shifting constantly to create the potential for new life. And now, as adults, we receive daily reminders that “the clock is ticking!” when our friends post pictures of their baby showers, and our mothers make a point to tell us that they cannot wait to be grandmothers every time we visit them for dinner.
This is the part of the narrative that fitness and beauty influencers don’t talk about. While it is unspoken, one expectation of women is that we will one day become a mother, because that is what our bodies are built to do. This societal expectation is incredibly harmful because it leads women to believe that our body has failed us when we have experienced a miscarriage. It can create feelings of distrust, anger, resentment, and even dissociation between us and… well, ourselves. Our body can feel out of our control, like it doesn’t really belong to us, like we are trapped somewhere that we don’t belong.
No matter what your relationship with your body looks like after a miscarriage, it is important to approach yourself with kindness, gentleness, and forgiveness, because that is the only way to heal. It is easy, and sometimes even cathartic, to find somewhere to place the blame, because it creates an outlet for all the emotions you are feeling, but ultimately, blaming your body is just another way to blame yourself. It may be hard to hear, but this is not your fault. You did not do anything wrong. Your body is not broken, it is not a failure, and it is grieving with you. Your body did not do this to you; it is in this with you.
A woman’s purpose in life stretches far beyond our bodies. Think of every time you have helped someone. When you talked to a friend until early hours of the morning because they were having a breakdown. When you made your partner laugh so hard they cried. When you drove a sibling to work because their car broke down. Better yet, think of every time you’ve experienced beauty in the world. Seeing an orange sunrise over the water. Screaming the lyrics to your favorite song. Stepping on snow for the first time.T aking the first bite of the best pasta you’ve ever had. These are the things that make you beautiful; your experiences, your companionship, your emotions, what you love and what loves you.
As a culture of women, we are all quick to judge our own bodies, based on the societal pressures we constantly face. A positive step towards healing from this pressure, is to acknowledge all the wonderful things your body does for you each day. Thank your legs for taking you to all of the amazing places you go. Thank your arms for providing comfort and compassion to loved ones. Thank your whole body for being just one piece of the beautiful puzzle that makes up the sum of who you are.
Wherever you are in your healing journey, treating your whole self with love, respect, and compassion is the best way to move forward. Next time you look at yourself in the mirror, remember that your body has gotten you through the worst and best times of your life; it is resilient, strong, capable, and determined to heal. And that is what makes you beautiful.
